When a Clip of a Podcast Sends you in a Tailspin

I was (doom) scrolling instagram this morning as I know I shouldn’t, when I came across a clip of a podcast discussing the topic of how 15 year old girls and perimenopause women parallel in body image and hormone changes. This struck a nerve and I immediately began thinking of my 14 (soon to be 15 year old) daughter and the conversations we have about her body.

What I have seen as a gorgeous, strong 5’10” young woman’s body is what she sees in a completely different lens. As a ballet dancer, she doesn’t fit the “standard” ballerina physique and that has bothered her for years. She went through puberty before all of her friends and she towers over many of them. I’m not going to expose all her insecurities here as it is not my place, but I internally roll my eyes at all of them. I know I am her mom and somewhat biased, but by societal standards she is beautiful. Why does she continue to pick herself apart as she does?

And with this podcast I begin to think about my body and all the changes I have experienced already in the two years I have had perimenopause symptoms. I am not even into full blown menopause yet which terrifies me as I have had stubborn weight gain, bloating, irregular periods, joint pain that makes me ache too much to exercise, acne like I’ve not had unless I was pregnant, and thinning hair I no longer want to have long as it just seems to hang off my scalp. I always had thick, curly, lovely hair. That disappeared with my hormones. Why do I continue to pick myself apart as I do?

How are we to tell our daughters to be more forgiving in regard to body changes they have no control over when we can’t do the same ourselves?

Is it worse for us because we can think back to the experience of a 20 something body with envy? Should we handle all of this with grace and wisdom of experience?

I would love to say I don’t care that I am aging, but I do. I see the new wrinkles on my face and, while I still fit in my jeans, I see a shift in where my body is settling.

We tell our teenagers not to compare themselves to images we see on social media as they are likely photoshopped, but I catch myself looking at super fit women in their 50s and wonder why my body doesn’t look that way. And I know I don’t put in 6 gyms sessions a week, obsess about my food intake, or have the same genetic makeup, but that doesn’t stop my brain from comparing- it just helps me rationalize out of it eventually.

So, what are we to do about this? Accept our fate of aging and continue to tell young women not to do the exact thing we catch ourselves doing? Do we try every cream, procedure, diet, hormone hack until we either see results we want (but probably can’t sustain) or resign ourselves to the process of getting older.

I am grateful for my body. It has carried me through 43 years and housed two babies I birthed healthy. I am still walking this planet and I’m able to watch my daughters grow up.

It doesn’t mean I don’t stand in front of the mirror and wonder if my teenage daughter is in her room doing the exact same thing.

So for now, until we have the magic answer to this question plaguing females, I will give myself grace when the thoughts creep in. I will help my girls navigate their own body image feelings with a desire to understand instead of a “don’t be silly, you are (x,y,z). Until society stops placing worth on a woman’s outward appearance and not the value of her work and contribution to this world outside of looks, we will continue to hear the podcasts and read the blog posts. Instead of getting on a soap box to “abolish societal ideas of beauty,” I will say I see you, I hear you, and I am one of you.